To those who feel deeply,
Somewhere along the line you are probably going to get told that what you feel is not ok. This world might tell you all sorts of reasons that your feelings are much ‘too muchness’. You are meant to feel other ways – or just less. It is better to be unaffected. You are too sensitive. You care too much. You love too much. You feel the weight of the world too much.
Even caring and well-meaning people will ask you to just not feel the way you feel. Don’t be scared or anxious or mad. Don’t be passionately advocating for yourself or others. Don’t be deeply wounded or hurt. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. You shouldn’t worry. You shouldn’t feel like your body is alight with feeling.
You will be told you need to be fixed. That there is something wrong with you. You may even be told that who you are is disordered. That it is abnormal to feel so deeply; to need validation and security in your interactions. That it is not normal to feel rejection so deeply. That you are wrong to need. That you are needy.
Please don’t lose hope. Those of you who really feel. Those of you who need time to hide away. Those of you who need time to search in the depths, who sometimes find the world a harsh place where your experiences feel raw and exposed. Those who need the pace to be a little slower, a little quieter.
What you feel is real and it matters. You are not making it up. You are not being a drama queen. You are not ‘too much’ for the right people. You are just the right amount of sensitive.
Learn to love your passion. Those of you who find peace in chaos. Those who need movement and change and have a dynamic lust for life. Those of you who are seeking and searching, willing to analyse and pull apart the world, who know that destruction is as much life as creation, who knows firsthand the energy of Kahli. Those who feel the depths of pain as well as joy, let your passion lead you.
Don’t let them make you feel less than you are. Don’t let them tell you that you are mistaken to feel the way you feel. Don’t let them invalidate or minimise your experience. Or tell you that you are insecure. Don’t let them tell you that what you need is too much. That you are inherently flawed and there is something wrong with you. That you need to change and be someone or something else. That you need to quieten down, calm down, settle down and shoosh.
Please stop being so harsh on yourself. Please don’t buy into what this world is trying to make you be. Please surround yourself with people who get it. People who let you be who you are. People who can be around you however you feel and not feel they have to fix or change you. Remember that might not be just one person. Some people are better at some feelings than others. Who you are is worth sharing with others. Love yourself deeply enough to take care of who you allow in your life.
It is ok to need comfort. It is ok to seek it out. Yes, it needs to be in ways that truly nurture you and don’t make you feel worse tomorrow. That is the difficult truth. Not everyone is ready for the love you are capable of giving. It does not mean that your love is too much. It just means that they are not right for you. Not everyone is capable of responding to you in the way that you need. That doesn’t mean that what you need is too much, just they are not right for you in that moment. They might be later.
Sometimes it takes work, communicating and time. Maybe they never will be. Not everyone is the same as you and that is really a good thing because the difference is important. It is how we learn. You don’t need to be the same as them. Neither one is better than the other. You just are who you are. Complete in your humanness.
Yes, you can learn ways to let those feelings be there. It’s ok to not get that right every time. It takes practice and time to learn. Especially in a world that just wants you not to feel it. Especially if you have never been given permission. Especially if you have never given yourself permission to feel, how you really feel.
Yes, it is important to do it in a way that brings no harm. Because you deserve that. You really do. You don’t deserve to be punished. No matter what you did. No matter how much you think you deserve it. You really don’t. What matters is what you do from here.
Yes, you have responsibility for how you take care of yourself and how you treat others when you feel those feelings. Yes, how others feel matters too. Yes, it is important to do more than just survive. Yes, you need to be able to be who you are, to find space for who you really are. Yes, it’s your job to take care of yourself and not just others to take care of you. Even if you were never shown how. Even if people didn’t show you that you are worth loving. Because you are dear one. You really are.
You can find your way. Use those feelings to fight and claw your way out if you need to. Use those feelings to know what feels wrong for you. Let those feelings guide you to who you really are. Feel your pain. Feel the aching pain of existence.
Talk. Laugh. Scream. Cry. Rage. Breathe. Run. Dance. Paint. Shake. Clench your fists and feel your passion. Fall down in defeat. Fall into the abyss and turn and watch the stars. Have grandiose ideas. Climb down, climb up. Do whatever you need to do, to allow those feelings to be there. But never ever tell yourself that it is not ok to feel the way you feel.
Because it is. It really is. And I for one am thankful you exist.